Shame On You | 8 ways to kill the Shame Game

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Let’s talk shame game, shall we? Shame the one who disconnects us from all. From our own pretty little hearts to all the gorgeous hearts around us. From never wanting to try again to talking dirty to other people. Shame is a killer. And I am done with her. You know fear is a liar that shame talks you into. Let’s up our game.

8 ways to kill shame:

Don’t feel ashamed when you do something wrong
Oh, the moment Adam and Eve realised they were naked, shame stepped into humanity. They had done wrong. And got the knowledge of doing right and wrong. And our wrongs come with SHAME. We are humans, we make mistakes, since that great scheme with the forbidden fruit. And you know what. Shaming yourself isn’t getting you any further.

Cause A – Jesus took care of it B – self-pity only drives you into a circle disconnecting you from your heart and not taking action to take authority and take it as a learning lesson and act upon it to turn life into fruit instead of taking (forbidden) fruit. Instead address you did something wrong, that you love yourself and want to make better choices, you’ve learned your lesson, you are now further along in your journey, and next time you tell yourself;

I love you too much to let you do this. I will practice to get better at this, and I will love myself through all the things. I am a human, I have permission to struggle, I will get stronger, because I take action. And you know what, I feel proud of myself instead of shame. I have permission to make mistakes so I can grow.

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Don’t tell other people how to live, love them
People all have a projection of how life should be lived. And yes some people really mess up and won’t listen, and I know that frustrates you tons, and you just want to even scream harder to them, give them meaner comments along the way, to just let them finally make up their mind.

But babe, are you making a point, political, religious, or are you loving a person? Are you trying to make order in the way people do, or are you loving who people are? I don’t tell you to be tolerant. Cause that is lukewarm that is passive. I tell you to love people, confront people out of love. But please stop telling people what to do.

Stop forcing people into rules. I will love you when you follow this rule, or else you can’t sit with us. Please you wouldn’t sit at Jesus table would He play this game on you. That is called manipulation. Love people freely. Love people when they are rude. Love people when they don’t deserve it. Love.

[denying God exists, means you don’t want to sit at His table, you can sit with Him, but you choose not to, He will never say; you can’t sit with us]

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Don’t shame people into following YOUR rules
You know, everyone can sit with us, I love everyone, even when I don’t agree with their views and their actions. I will suggest them a better solution cause I love them, I want their life to be successful. But it won’t change the way I see that person. I won’t shame this person into following my rules, cause I am no religion.

A lot of religious people shame people into THEIR truth of the Bible. Your sphere of influence is your own life. The choices you make have impact on other people as well. But you can’t make choices for someone else. That is not up to you. You can love people, you can advise people, you can confront people, but you can’t make decisions for them, you can’t hurt them, you can’t shame them.

You want to uplift people, you want to strengthen people, you want to have connection with people. And with that, we need to allow people to make their own choices.

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Allow people to disagree
Christians are worldwide known for the shame they put on other people. Pop songs are full of the hurt caused by the church. Mate, stop hurting people to make your point come across. Be fine with disagreements. As hard as that might sound. Be fine with disagreements.

Disagreements don’t say you are fine with their decisions. It doesn’t make you an accomplisher. It doesn’t make you guilty of a crime. It makes you a loving human.

For better and for worse. You love people through their worse or through what you see as worse. Why would you shame people through their worse? That doesn’t make anything better does it?! No, it makes it even worse. A drowning spiral.

Healhty disagreement means you don’t turn your back on the worse, cause you only want to see the better of a person. It means you love them no matter what, and stand by them. Disagreement means you won’t only talk to them when they agree with everything you say, turning your back the moment they don’t say what you say.

Allow people to not have the same view as you. We are all unique for a reason. We are all meant to live life in our way, with our personal decisions. God will do the judgement. It is your job to love.

Gender-inclusive writing

Ask all the hard questions
When there is no room for disagreements people start walking on eggshells around each other. There is no freedom. All of a sudden there is behavior attached to my worth. People will stop asking questions, cause there is a chance they lose their seat at the table. No questions, taboos, and hiding really important parts of life are robbing us of the richness of life, of connecting with people. Ask people the hard questions. Ask God ALL the questions that you have. No matter how deep they are covered in shame. God LOVES to answer them. He won’t get mad for a second.

De 7 meest awkward momenten bij familie

Stop gossiping
Number one shaming people asset is gossip. All the negative, I repeat anything negative you say about someone is gossip. And gossip puts a spell on people you gossip about, on yourself, and the person you are talking to. You are shaming someone. You are sending a message to someone else that you will shame him or her too. You are sending a message it is not safe to make mistakes around you. And you are sending yourself a message that you better not make a mistake either, or you will be the talk of the town. Instead, talk positively about people. And be open about anything in life. So people can be safe around you. So people can have a real deal connection with you.

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You don’t need to have an opinion about everything
We are so wired to take a side. So wired to have an opinion about anything. We don’t have to have an opinion. It is okay to say I don’t know. It is okay to say I don’t care, this is not worthy of my time. It is okay to let things just be. To let a person just be. And not judge. To just be a listener. Instead of a judger. To just be a lover. Instead of a judger. To just be a friend. Instead of a judger.

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Rise up and Shine
Shame wants you to stay hidden. Shame wants you to play small. Shame wants you to disconnect from people for the things you are afraid of. Shame. Sometimes we just need a few seconds of bravery and just take the plunge. Dive in the deep. And bring us to the table. Give ourselves permission to be. Give ourselves permission to use our talents. Give ourselves permission to make different choices.

Give ourselves permission to be. Give ourselves permission to use our talents. Give ourselves permission to make different choices. Give ourselves permission to rise up and shine. No matter the mistakes we make along the way. The red faces and sweaty palms you might endure.

Shame will get you nowhere. Red faces and sweaty palms show that you are showing up and growing. Let’s do something we are afraid of today. Challenge accepted? Your boldness casts off shame, your boldness gives other people permission to do the same. To rise up and shine. There is no holding back.

Lots of love,

Therèsa

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