Don’t Waste Your Singleness

Are you loving single life?
Are you hating single life?
Do you feel a little bit of both?

What are your thoughts about a time of being single before you come together with someone else? Is it a total drag? Is it really actually quite exciting? Now, I totally know it can feel like both. But I would like to propose this could be one of the most wonderful, inspirational, becoming and presence filled time of your life.

‘Be alone, eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will get to know yourself. You will grow, you will gain independence, you will learn what inspires you. You will curate your own dreams, your own convictions, your own clarity. And then you’ll finally meet the person that makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it because you’re sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please. I urge you to wait for it. The wait and handiwork will be worth it, it will be one of the most beautiful things your heart will experience’

If you are single, I’m really expectant for you in this season. This is your time. Just you and Papa God. In my eyes, the most special thing about a time of singleness is that it’s an opportunity to worship God in a very precious way. Because you can give Him your undivided attention. What a gift to the Father from His beloved kid. Your affection isn’t split in this season in the way it will be when your partner walks into your story. When you have your children. Yes, God will still be with you of course but you know what I mean. Now, what makes my heart sad is when I see people miss the sweetness of this season because they don’t feel complete or content without a relationship (trust me when I say I’ve had many days where I totally was not feeling this!) and feeling like they won’t arrive to fullness of joy until they get married. This simply is not true.

Dear heart, your worth is not defined by your relationship status

I had been in relationships from the age of 14 until the age of 23, so when I felt Holy Spirit call me into a season of singleness you can imagine how I fought against that. I broke up with a guy and then I had an encounter with God, I saw Jesus standing in front of me, Holy Spirit surrounding me, and the Father’s hand blocking a locked gate. Behind this gate I could see boyfriends I’d had, I knew it represented relationship. I knew in my spirit I was going into a season where there was no grace to date. God wanted to work on my heart, just me and Him, without anyone else to get in the way of what He wanted to do.

Hosea 2:14 ‘Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.’

While this encounter felt very inspiring at the time, soon after something painful within arose. Rejection, anxiety,  insecurity, shame, so many bad feelings – even traumatic memories from being picked on at school and do you know why these things suddenly came up? Because I didn’t have a boyfriend to cover up the pain. And while guys affirming girls is beautiful, and something God wants for us – the difference was that I totally didn’t know who I was. I was completely co-dependant on guys affirming my identity.  I put my value and worth into a relationship. I felt alone. Invisible. I felt ugly. Lies were coming up, so the truth could flood in.
I started to have encounters with the love of God, slowly, step by step, as I spent time with God, making space for my heart to heal, for God’s love to come in, to get prayer, I started to know in my spirit that I was a treasured daughter of God before I had anything else. Maybe you are going through something similar, maybe you’re not at all! Either is fine. We live in a culture where jumping into relationship to relationship is the norm. But I want to challenge my sisters and brothers out there to totally embrace this time. Don’t try to force it if it’s not happening naturally. Let love flood in. Become powerful with God as an individual. Rooted in who you are. Before you come together with your soulmate. My loves, this is serious business. Debating entering into a relationship is not something to be taken lightly.
Don’t wait for prince charming, BECOME, YOU. Try not to look around, for sure go on dates, put yourself out there – but spend time getting to know you. Investing in you. Becoming you. God knows you want to meet someone. I happen to believe God is actually the best wingman. Put faith in that, let go of control. It will happen in the right time.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.’
Ecclesiastes 3:11

What are you passionate about?

What makes you feel alive?

Where do you like to spend time?

What do you do for fun?

What do you do to rest?

Steward this single season well.

This is your time.

Travel, explore, grow, cook, learn, invest into the ol’ proverbs 31 bae vision.

Find things out about yourself

Get to know you
Go on an adventure

I urge you sweet one, don’t run away from this time if you feel Holy Spirit drawing you in. He will build you in this time, prepare you in this time, to carry out everything He has for you. No one can accept you, give you identity or give you purpose – only God can give you these things. But embracing this season, can be scary. But you can trust God, fall into His arms and surrender to the divine process. You are so so secure and so so held in His unconditional love.

Fall inlove with you first

Be patient

Expect something wonderful

Everything is made beautiful in it’s time.

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