Love others as well as you love yourself.
Let’s talk inner circle peeps. So I used to have lots of friends. In all different friend groups. Oh, we had a lot of fun. And to hang out with lots of people is lovely. Don’t ever stop doing that. But honestly, I didn’t have an inner circle. I didn’t have the real friends that stick to your back when you are shattered in tears on the ground and won’t talk a word behind your back about it. You need a few of them honestly. The inner circle. The girl gang. Your sisterhood. Your bros. You name it. The ones that pick you up and lay you down. The ones that challenge you to your core, and the ones that tell you to take a step back and freaking rest.
Over all the years of my life, I have met and will meet extraordinary people. Some stick. Some don’t. And a chosen few I choose to be part of my tribe. And they choose me back. Back in the days my life just seemed to happen to me. Nowadays I am very aware if I don’t choose someone I can’t fight for them. And honestly, I can’t love them like they deserve to be either.
Ten ways to love others:
- Be intentional
Look into the gorgeous eyes in front of you. And get to know the mysterious parts of their being. Get to know who you have in front of you. Really see them. Look into the gorgeous future they have ahead of them. Be intentional about really seeing them. Not what they can do for you. Not how they act in the moment. Really take time to get who they are.
Get to know their love languages! It might be words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time or physical touch. So I naturally shower my friends in uplifting words, cause words of affirmation is my love language. But that doesn’t mean my friends feel loved by me. If their love language is quality time I need to choose to love them by spending time with them.
Get to know more about their personality. Like the Myer Briggs test for instance. Please don’t box them into that though. But you will definitely understand more about the things they do and how they are wired. Like I am a big introvert. And people need to know that to not get offended by it. You can love them so much better understanding more of how they are wired. Dang people are so unique.
- Spark the Flame
You know your friends are badass fires. You admire the way they create their lives and do their thing. You know things about them they don’t even know. Cause you see things over their lives they don’t see. So go ahead and pull the gold out of them. You also have the honour to remind them of the rainbows in their hearts whenever they forgot about them. You are the spark to their fire. Without you, they can’t stand as bright in what they do.
- Embrace their Mess
And with all the gold comes the dirt it is hidden in. Yeah we all have dirty messes. Don’t pretend you are all okay. You are not. And your friend neither. You are not here for their gold. You are here for who they are. So you love them in their mess and their success. Honestly the same strength in your friendship in your successes is the same strength in your messes. If you can’t handle the mess, you can’t handle their success. And you have the privilege to speak life over their messes. And smother them in love. While uncovering all your messes into rosey flowers together with them. You aren’t rivals. You are in this together.
- Iron sharpens iron
Yeah so gold needs fire right. I find this the most uncomfortable part of friendships. Be freaking honest with them okay. To love them means confronting them with the things that might possibly hurt them but you know the only thing to do life is covering them in truth. You know they are better, so confront them to their better. It is not making them perform it is holding them accountable for who they are.
Holding things back is not being honest either. You are very honest when you answer to a question in truth. But in inner friendship, they shouldn’t really have to ask you questions right. You are already transparent with them before they even have to question you. Cause you are really open with each other. You are each other’s safe haven. And trust is a big thing in your inner circle.
You show me your friends and I will show you your future. Sometimes it is better to love people from a distance. Iron needs iron. Cause wood gets iron dull. And iron destroys wood. I don’t want to make people and their future dull or even destroy it. Yes that is how much power friends have. They either make you or break you.
People-pleasing is not loving your peeps. Punishing them is neither. It is not bringing you to the table. You are not dependent on approval from someone else for your self-worth and identity. Their approval is not who you are. And they need YOU! Not shallow love. They need the real thing, babe. And yes I struggle with this too. There is no shame here.
- Beyond your wildest dreams
God will bless you with people and community beyond your wildest dreams. All you got to say is yes and fight for them. From that knowing smother your friends in love. Don’t just give what you received. Go the extra mile. You don’t have to earn their love. You have to freely gift. Do things you absolutely don’t have to do, but you do them anyways. Just because you choose to, cause you love them so freaking much.
And a little bonus in loving people in general cause I loved this quote I came across. “Our work is one of the primary ways in which we love our neighbours and serve the world.” So write your thoughts out. Dance your heart out. Sing your beliefs out. Pour your love in those coffee cups. Cause you doing you, is one of the greatest acts of love to your surroundings.
[Also I packed some secret links in there to some lovely nuggets of wisdom I found thrown around on the internet. Enjoy! ]
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