Earlier this week I posted on Instagram a quote that I have not been able to get out of my head —
“”There is so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There is a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become whole on your own. Go on adventures. Sit in a coffee shop on your own. Dress up for no reason. Give to others. Smile a lot. Laugh. Stick your head out the window. Live life being happy with yourself. It isn’t any less beautiful. I promise.”
I wanted to expand on this because I feel it is such an important topic to discuss. I’m single. And I’m happy. Actually, I’m more than happy. At the same time, I know that when that person comes around, I’ll be just as happy. However, that is not how I’ve always felt, and I realize many of you may be struggling with the same thing!
When I’m single people always tell me
“Well that’s good! You can do so much more this way!”
“Relationships aren’t even that great so – you go!”
“Right when you aren’t looking — you’ll meet the one!”
All these things are just people in my life trying to be kind, however, they’re not always true. You can do just as much in a relationship as you can being single. Relationships can be so incredible. However singleness is one of the greatest gifts in my opinion. Now, it doesn’t always feel like that, and in a week I may be reading this post and thinking to myself: “HOW THE HECK IS IT A GIFT?!?!?!!?!” … But the next day I’ll wake up and thank God He knows what He is doing.
People make a big deal out of finding yourself, and while I think sometimes we put too much of an emphasis on that, I do think it has some good truths. When you’re with someone it is:
What are they thinking,
how are they feeling,
how can I make them happier?
These are not bad questions, and in the right (…and healthy) situation these are actually beneficial questions.
But until you know that yourself, you can’t do that for someone else. Well, you can. But it won’t benefit either of you. My cousin Lindsey put it perfectly the other day: a relationship is icing on the cake. But it shouldn’t be the whole cake.
If the whole cake is your relationship, it will crumble fast. Another person was not made to hold your / my stuff. They can help at times, but for it to be on them always – is impossible. It would eventually crush them, and in turn, crush you.
My point here being, the statements above shouldn’t be the reason you aren’t in a relationship.
Here me out: you are not, not in a relationship because you get to travel more, do more, spend more, party more, work more, and not have anyone to tell that you are going out somewhere tonight.
These are side benefits, but…
You are not in a relationship because there is some sort of growing you get to do now, that you couldn’t do later.
You are not in a relationship because you realize your self worth. And you won’t give people discounts.
You are not in a relationship because you realize happiness cannot be found in a human being. It just won’t ever happen. However, when you find joy. When you reach deep down into yourself and learn to love that self well, you find joy. When you know God – you find joy.
The being able to travel more, spend more, etc — are just side bonuses to being single.
But we shouldn’t say they are the reason why. Most all of us desire a relationship someday and saying the reason we are single is “because we can do more without that person” is just a lie to cover up an insecurity. We’ll be able to do SO much with that person when they come! But let’s focus on our growth and loving ourselves well and radiating kindness continuously!
Once you really know who you are, you are going to attract someone who really knows who they are. I would honestly much rather be in that scenario than with someone who has no idea what they’re about yet. Who doesn’t want confidence, humility, kindness, love, but also understanding, and willingness to fight? Anything beautiful and anything that grows annually – takes time. Try and grow anything at all. Time is always what you’ll be up against.
So learn to love time. Learn to love things about yourself and your life right now. Embrace right now and become even more of a BOSS. Don’t focus so much on finding someone, you have this moment in this day only right now.
And when that person comes along you’ll be able to tell them about all the KICK-BUTT things you did while you were single.
Also remember this: “The person you’re meant to be with will never have to be begged, chased, or given an ultimatum.” – Mandy Hale
If you have to do any of these: you’re settling.
NEVER SETTLE!!!! YOU’RE A QUEEN. YOU’RE A KING.