Being single is an absolute art. And it is delicate let me tell you. I adore being single. And I hate being single in this over-sexualised world at the same time. Yes, I am single. For the last five years, I have been absolute single. I haven’t even been on one date. And this season has been teaching me more about healthy relationships than any relationship well flings ever have. Why? This time I was intentional instead of chasing bodies and upping my self worth by playing with a boys heart. I am setting myself up for something bigger than just love.
So here is a little ten-way guide on how I survive being single:
1. Girl, it’s just a season
I know we are all drama Queens and it feels like forever, but it’s just a season. And that’s fine. It’s fine even when the peeps around you all get married, have kids, buy houses together, have the cutest photos on Instagram together. Good for them. I have some other business to take care of first. Living my life. Not theirs.
2. Boy, you better act like you are single
You will stay single when you don’t act like you are single. No one is going to fight for you when there are no responsibilities. No one is going to fight for you when all sacrifices are free.
3. Of course, you want sex, you are a human
Sexual desires are so normal. You do get that our body is build to multiply and enjoy sex. Sex is a Holy experience. Yes designed by God pretty neat. Sex is one of the biggest responsibilities if not the biggest cause it is the only way we are able to create new life. So indeed it is a matter for great care and responsibility. Bodies intertwined attach. You better think twice you want to attach yourself to someone if you already get freaked out by the word marriage. Marriage is easy. Becoming one flesh with a person and ALL of him attached to you, that is the real deal. Especially when you got a whole range of different men attached to you. There is restoration in Jesus for all the brokenness and broken hearts*, don’t worry.
4. Know what you want
Is it the thought of a body you want to wake up next to or do you want to wake up next to him? Is it the thought that I need to attach my name to someone’s name so I can feel in the game or is it the beautiful person you get the great honour to get to know like no one ever gets to know in such depth and love him like no one ever can? Do you want the thought or him? If you want the thought you are not ready to meet him or her.
5. Get Yourself Ready
For a time I was very clear I was ready to meet him, till I realised I was clearly not and I just let that driving myself nuts I am ready where is he at nausea go. For every season in life, there is a reason. Be that reason a mistake or not. I want to be in touch with my seasons and get all the life lessons I can squeeze out of it, so I can get more whole every step of the time. I bring all my crap with me upon meeting him. The way I treat myself, the way I treat others. My skillset, my defenses, my insecurities. In the meantime, I can work on these to set a foundation for a healthier relationship between him and me.
6. Don’t Settle
Some people hate these words implying that I want you to wait on mister perfect that will never come and you will stay single for the rest of your days. The end. NO. No. Absolutely not. I want you to go this road with God. If He is not in it, you are settling. This is not arrogant. Cause you are pretty much settling the life of the person in front of you as well. If you already married that person, that person became the one, and God totally can still work through that, don’t worry.
7. Brush of the haters
You being single might not fit into people’s picture-perfect. Especially when the years flow by. Everyone has their own very opinion on relationships. But you need to stay true to your heart and listen to great advice from wise people. And love the people hard that are giving you a hard time or think something is wrong with you.
8. Get your girls together
This one is very important while single, more even when you just start a relationship, even more when you are married, build your tribe. Especially as a woman your girls’ tribe. And as a man gather your boys. There are parts of your essence you only can touch with your girls cause you are wired the same. I see a lot of people newly in a relationship completely neglecting their friendships. Yes, this is a point to maybe let lose some friendships that don’t fit this new chapter of life, but make time for your girls, they are worth it!
9. Don’t search in him or her the fulfilling of your purpose.
There might be things on your life you don’t think you yourself are able to pull off. Instead, you might subconsciously search them out in your partner in crime to fulfil those for you. But they are not you so they will never be able to do that. It is put on your life, and you need to fight for it. You two as a person are so much more important than the capacities and the works of your hands. He will never be able to fulfil your purpose, but he will be the greatest champion and partner in crime you need. Well after God of course.
10. Know your weaknesses
For a long time, bad boys were a total weakness of mine. Their thrill of adventure. Their rebel hearts. Being fearless. I started to see a pattern that at times I either felt out of place or was bored out of my mind, or just in the mood for something new at that instant moment I would meet a bad boy and the game would begin. Know your weaknesses, so in the moment you see them coming you can be strong and easily wave them bye-bye for your own good and the other.
Enjoy your time being single love,
Lots of love,
Broken heart – two people who had sex but didn’t work out, one flesh torn apart into a broken heart